Astro Gator Number 20
Dated 4/1/03. Astro Gecko seems blue, and I don’t really understand why in retrospect. I don’t know why I wrote it this way. He has just been reunited with Astro Gator, so he should be spending time with his friend, but he’s drinking alone instead.
Actually, now that I’m writing this, it pretty obviously reflects my life at the time. I was feeling alone, and I was unhappy at work. Even though I had friends, I was reluctant to rely on them too much. Friends have come and gone for most of my life, and I’ve never really felt safe relying on them because they or I could be gone tomorrow.
It absolutely crushed me when my parents moved from La Crescenta, CA to Virginia Beach, VA right when I was supposed to enter high school. My home life had never been stable, but that move caught me off guard, and I was extraordinarily bitter about having to leave a place I liked full of people I had come to know and rely on.
My feelings about friendship and dependence have changed since I started a family, but I still tend to think of solitude as my natural state.
Start at the beginning: Astro Gator Number 1
