Member-only story

How to Survive the Breakup of Your Favorite YouTube Couple

Matthew Thiele
3 min readDec 28, 2020

--

Image provided by Pixabay via Pexels

You’ve probably noticed that Eric and Debra have been posting a lot of solo videos lately. It’s probably nothing, but in case they do decide to call it quits after what you imagine is a really long time of cohabitating, you need to be prepared. You’ve mailed them pet pajamas. You wear their merch. You’ve taken all of Tony Hawk’s Masterclasses. Your identities are intertwined. A breakup would ruin all of that. The devastation could be devastating.

Hopefully, they won’t rage-delete all of their content. Any doctor worth his salt will tell you that you need to step down gradually from that habit-forming narcotic that he prescribed for you, and it’s just as true for your YouTube dependency. Making your way through Eric and Debra’s back catalog of videos can help to ease the heart-rending disappointment of watching two strangers end their friendship. Reliving those special moments when they finished the mud room, tormented a pet, or farted on one another can really help.

DO NOT get into meditation. Eric will tell you with strained eyes and a manic smile that meditation has really opened a door into the luminous essence of his emotional center. What it has actually done is blast a window into the soot-black abyss of his utter insignificance. Try a more constructive outlet for your anxiety, such as photography, Internet…

--

--

Matthew Thiele
Matthew Thiele

Written by Matthew Thiele

Independent scholar and satirist. Published in Slackjaw, Points in Case, McSweeney’s, Ben Jonson Journal, and other fine publications.

No responses yet