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Revenge Fantasies for Idiots: Willem Shaggsbeard’s Alley McBeath
Part 6 in an ongoing series
George McBeath, Thane of Glans, and his sidekick Quontro roll up on three grannies beatboxing to the RUN DMC classic “Christmas in Hollis” on a street corner.
“Hail, McBeath!” they cry. “Dude, do you want to be king of this dungheap?”
“What?” McBeath asks, bewildered. “I don’t know. Maybe? Probably?”
“Tight,” they say. “Check it out. If you want to be king, all you have to do is murder the king and take his place. Easy peasy.”
McBeath is all like, “I don’t know, man. My life is pretty lit already. Not sure if murdering the king is going to be a level-up, you get me?”
“Whatever. Light’s green, my dude.”
McBeath tells his wife Alley about the rapping grannies, and she tells him he doesn’t have a hair on his ass if he doesn’t murder the king and seize the throne. “Kings get to do awesome shit like wear fuzzy robes, use people as footrests, and rip sick wheelies. You’re probably going to have to ice Quontro, too,” she advises. “I guess,” he says.
