Revenge Fantasies for Idiots: Willem Shaggsbeard’s Alley McBeath

Matthew Thiele
3 min readMar 29, 2022

Part 6 in an ongoing series

A person brandishing a knife.
Photo by Skylar Kang from Pexels

George McBeath, Thane of Glans, and his sidekick Quontro roll up on three grannies beatboxing to the RUN DMC classic “Christmas in Hollis” on a street corner.

“Hail, McBeath!” they cry. “Dude, do you want to be king of this dungheap?”

Matthew Thiele

Teacher. Satirist. Scholar. Published in Slackjaw, Points in Case, McSweeney’s, Ben Jonson Journal, and elsewhere. Definitely not a robot. Or an alien.