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The College Prison Career Fair Is Happening Right Now, You Thankless Bastards
Hey assholes — The College Prison Career Fair is happening RIGHT NOW in the Student Academic Excellence and Cheating Facilitation Center, and we have had literally ZERO people come by. We cancelled an entire DAY’S worth of tutoring sessions to host this event, and we’ll be DAMNED if we’re going to let you ruin it for us.
We’ve been telling you for WEEKS that this was coming. We tried being polite. We put in a lot of exclamation marks and italics in our announcements to seem upbeat. We wracked our brains to come up with euphemisms like “representatives” and “incentives” to make you feel better about the fact that people who work for a prison are benefiting from the exploitation of poor people and minorities, and that thanks to a convenient Constitutional loophole, a prison is basically a plantation. Maybe you’re just too childish to realize that you can’t succeed in life without making someone else suffer. Whatever. You all need to grow up quick and get your asses over here.
Maybe it just didn’t sink in that the federal prison in town has MULTIPLE POSITIONS available for all different kinds of people. They need a ton of psychologists, nurses, and groundskeepers, because they keep quitting after two months. If you always wanted to be a cop but you hate helping people, you would make a great…
